7 steps to loss
i was holding on to you so so tightly
good intentions in mind
my love flowed in but
air couldn’t enter
couldn’t leave
but you could still breathe.
right?
there must have been a hole
because you slipped through
but somehow
i’m the one falling
step 1:
cry about it
i suppose
if you absolutely must
but keep it to yourself
let your tears reach nowhere
but your pillows
let their dampness lull you to sleep
have a great night of sweet dreams
filled with bittersweet reminders
of what once was
step 2:
stop hoping
but how can you ever stop
longing for what’s lost
your love is laced with foolishness
as you hope for reunion
but it’s like a diamond
plunged into the vast ocean
not truly gone
its value still existing
but disconnected eternally
step 3:
just find a replacement.
you know
you know very well
nothing is permanent
everything is replaceable
like a car tire
that’s been flattened
and nailed
and sliced
and torn
but this time
it’s the whole car
demolished beyond repair.
now you’ll have to walk,
but how effective is walking?
not very
just like the “replacement” you’re told to find.
step 4:
now you’re angry
juggling the fires within you
careful not to jitter
but you’re jolted
now scorched.
i can feel your ignited insides
threatening to crumble
with accusations for what should’ve
regret of what could’ve.
you needed each other
like happiness and pain
as pain will never be met
without first encountering happiness
and happiness is only who she is
because of pain’s contrast
but why now
why did you turn my happiness into pain
why did you leave me
step 5:
don’t mention it
out loud
ever
please
we don’t care
complaints are clearly a cacophony
so keep it contained.
let it boil within you and
if the heat gets unbearable
do what you must but
do not remove your lid
don’t let your fire out
your feelings out
but once you’ve cooled off
show us your smile,
but closed-lip
to keep the pain sealed within
step 6:
eventually
the fire in you does diminish
dwindling down to darkness
daintily decomposing
then decidedly developing
into despair
and
the anguish has returned
yet again
crawling through the crevices
tingling at every turn
remembrance carved into your bones
giving your every motion a somber undertone
step 7:
at last
the final step
i know
you know
is acceptance.
but is it really?
it’s more like
“dismiss”
dismiss the memories
dismiss the love
dismiss the laughter
dismiss it all
or maybe “forget”
forget the times
forget the pain
forget the pleasure
but truly
its yearning
a forever yearning
that may diminish
may be shadowed
may be buried miles underneath
but never entirely gone
it’ll always be there
for you’ll always be there
with me in soul
but corporally apart.